Au Revoir - Essay by Ice @ ryho

Damn, so freaking bored, and i wonder what should i blog about.

Here you go, an essay by me again, entitled "Au Revoir", i don't know what made me write this - probably some kind of virus hacked into my mind.

Au Revoir

A ward door opened silently.

I jumped from my solitary seat on the hospital bench, rushing towards Cassandra’s parents, who were just walking out of a ward – a ward that was now occupied by my friend – a twenty-two year old girl by the name of Cassandra Jennings.

“How’s Cassie?” came my shaken voice.

“She’s... She’s fine, but she’s still in a coma, none of us were able to... To rouse her...” Cassandra’s mother – whom I called Mrs. Jennings, replied with a voice that suggested that she was on the verge of breaking down.

“Can I visit her now?”

“Sure. While you’re at it, you could even stay the night to watch over Cassie. Just phone us if there’s any progress, okay?” It was Cassandra’s dad, replying me with a strong but sad voice. I watched them walk hand by hand away towards the hospital’s exit; both overcame by grief, not a word uttered to each other.

Heaving a sigh, I pushed open the ward door as silently as I could. The image that greeted me was the most unforgettable image that was ever etched in my mind – the heart-piercing image of Cassandra lying on the bed, unmoving, silent. With a few steps across the room, I settled myself on a plastic chair beside Cassandra’s bed, glancing at Cassandra’s face – so carefree, so innocent, one might even think that she was just sleeping soundly. Her blonde hair was tousled – clearly one who had not had the chance to tidy up herself.

“Cassie, Cassie, why don’t you tell me about this earlier?” I whispered softly. “Why were you acting as if everything’s fine last time?” As I glanced at Cassie’s relaxed visage, torrents of memories – memories between Cassie and me – began flooding into my mind, drowning out my other thoughts.

*****

I was fifteen years old again, walking in the school corridors alone. Suddenly, an unfamiliar girl approached me, her blonde hair – which was tied in a ponytail – bounced behind her with every step she took. Staring at me with her extraordinarily blue eyes, she asked me in European-accented English, “Hi there, my name is Cassandra Jennings; I just moved in from London, would you mind being my friend?” She held out her hand as she finished her introduction.

Friends? There was no one who asked me to be friends before, I thought. However flabbergasted, I returned her handshake, introducing myself, speaking in broken English, “Uhh, yes, sure can.”

Indeed, that was how I met Cassandra Jennings – a simple introduction, ended in not more than a few words. However, as she started to familiarize herself with her new school, I was her best – and probably her only friend. We were two students – two close friends living in a world of strangers, no one could break our friendship.

As time passed, we stepped into Year Four of our alma mater. Our friendship did not waver even one bit. Cassandra had started giving me extra tutoring after school, so as to transform my so-called “Manglish” into proper English. I was enthusiastic – probably not only I got the golden chance of learning proper English at last, but also because of the fact that my best friend was willing to sacrifice herself, just to make sure that my grasp of the seemingly complicated English language was up to scratch.

“Bear in mind that ‘affect’ isn’t the same as ‘effect’, ‘affect’ is a verb but – Rui You, stop daydreaming! What are you thinking of?” She said, a hint of disapproval and impatience in her voice.

“You.” I said firmly, holding my breath to see the effect of my words.

Cassandra blushed. She looked away and began fumbling with her fingers awkwardly, “Keep your mind focused on the lessons, won’t you?”…

We entered Year Five of our school without knowing it ourselves. The both of us struck a mutual, even intimate friendship that most people would envy. However, we reached an unspoken agreement that we would not get involved in a relationship yet – not until we end our final year in secondary school.

It was on the 25th of December – A day where Christmas is celebrated, and also the birthday of Cassandra, that I made my first move.

Walking with Cassandra on the stone-paved paths in our local park, I produced a glass-blown rose from my pocket, looking her full in the eye, and asked, “Will you be my girlfriend?”

She said yes.

We were separated later on as we were forced to attend different universities. However, our hearts grew fonder of each other, strengthened by the distance that separated us. Phone calls, E-mails… We did as much as we can to ensure that we could get in touch with one another. Both of us endured the excruciating five-year period we had to spend for our university education – till it finally passed, at long last.

We planned to meet back at our secondary school this afternoon. But she never came.

I waited under the shady Angsana tree, getting more agitated by every second. Suddenly, my cell phone rang, breaking the monotonous silence. I glanced at the display screen, which showed “Cassie’s Parents”. Clueless of what to expect, I answered the call.

Moments later, I was rushing to the hospital, jostling past crowds, ignoring the scandalized glares from most of the nurses and doctors present. I was only focused on my current mission: To get to Cassandra as fast as I could.

Cassandra had been diagnosed with a late stage of pancreatic cancer. Because of the late warning signs, her situation was irrecoverable, hopeless – according to the doctor who diagnosed her.

“A few weeks, maybe days are all she has left. There’s nothing you can do, just make sure that her final moments are… are happy… if she even wakes up.” I recalled what the doctors said. This was unbearable. I could not face the prospect of Cassandra leaving my side after years and years of separation by distance. I just could not.

I made a vow to myself then – I would stay by her sickbed every night, till she regains consciousness.

*****

As I looked at Cassandra’s closed eyelids, I held back the tears that were forming in the corners of my eyes, thinking of the long-past memories – happy moments that we had together. It hadn’t even occurred to me that I would ever see Cassie in a situation like this. She used to talk jokingly about it, “Cancer? I’m not afraid of it, as I’m healthy, I’m happy, and I’m Cassie!” then she would laugh at her own words.

As I kept reliving recollections, I started to fall into a doze; till I finally rested my head on Cassandra’s motionless figure in a fitful slumber.

The dream I had was a weird one.

Cassandra regained consciousness from her coma, sitting up in bed and looking back at me with her presently tear-filled blue eyes. She looked at me for what seemed to be an eternity, before saying,

“Rui You, it’s time to let go now, I can’t fight on anymore. I would have spent the rest of my life with you, but – things aren’t as lucky for me as it seems. I’m really sorry for not telling you about my disease, as I thought you might panic and distance yourself from me. I’m really sorry, Rui You… Promise me that you’ll find another sweetheart after I’m gone…”

“Cassie, you know that I won’t!” I replied, “There’s no way that I could find another girlfriend...”

With a sad smile, Cassie said, “You’d just have to learn… I’m just a chapter of your life, but you have to move on to the next chapter… I love you, Rui You…”

I woke up abruptly from my restless sleep, clearly aware of my sweat-soaked body – I was clearly panicked. A swift glance at Cassandra’s eyelids showed me two beads of tears leaking out from underneath. Did she know what I was feeling? An unexplainable sense of foreboding was coursing through my veins. I could not explain why I was feeling so nervous, so cold at once.

“Beep~” The regular beeping of the pulse-rater was suddenly replaced by a flat, long beep. Sensing that something was wrong, I leapt up from the chair and slammed my trembling hands repeatedly on the emergency button above Cassie’s bed, calling frantically for a doctor through the intercom.

The next moment, I was shoved away by doctors and nurses – the previously silent ward has plunged into a state of emergency. I could only stare in helplessness as I saw the spectacle in front of my bare eyes.

“200 watts. Clear!” The doctor plunged the defibrillator into Cassie’s upper chest. She jolted, but the pulse-rater continued beeping irregularly.

“300! Clear!” Another jolt. Still the same.

“400! Clear!” Another jolt… Tears finally flowed freely from my eyes, dripping on the shining clean ward floor…

*****

“I’m so sorry; we haven’t been able to rescue her…” Moments later, the doctor-in-charge of Cassandra was informing Mr. and Mrs. Jennings about her failure to survive. I looked on, too distressed to utter a word. I knew that whatever I said, whatever I did, I could not change the hard fact – the fact that my best friend Cassandra Jennings had succumbed powerlessly to the cancer, leaving me forever…

I thought that life had come to a standstill for me. Without Cassandra, life isn’t worth living anymore. Without Cassandra, my successes would be useless as there isn’t someone to share it with. Without Cassandra, I have just lost a large piece of my life – A piece that might never be completely replaced.

“Promise me that you’ll find another sweetheart after I’m gone…”

Would I do that? Would I be able to wash away our memories together? Would I be able to start afresh again? Would I?

However absurd that is to others, I would try to fulfill Cassandra’s final will – for me to find happiness again. I would start a new book, writing in new notes, occasionally adding in notes from my past book… But it would not be the same as the old book, which was tinted with memories – precious memories hard to erase, impossible to substitute.

On the other hand, I felt happy for Cassandra because she was now free from the excruciating torture caused by cancer – a flame smoldering her from the inside. Perhaps, she could live a better life, and maybe find a better partner, wherever she is now…

Cassie, you were the one who helped me improve my English;
Cassie, you were the one who made me stronger in my life;
Cassie, you were the one who filled up the void of loneliness in me;
Cassie, you… were the one who taught me how to love.

Farewell, Cassandra Jennings.

____________

That's it, go on vomitting or scoffing, lol.

*I don't know any Cassandra Jennings in my life;
I'm 15 years old, not 22 years old;
I never did all the things that i said up there.*

Thanks for reading.

Chao.