Hope - Essay by IceGlacial @ ryho

My newest creation, entitled "Hope". Comments as usual please.

*** Start of Story ***

Hope

Hope and I were giggling giddily – immersed in our own world, climbing up the slide and sliding down the other side. We never felt bored doing this daily routine, not when we can enjoy the warmth of the sun shining down on our backs, while competing among each other for the title of “Fast-Slider” – whoever climbs up the slide faster than the other.

“Slowpoke, slowpoke, I’m the faster one!” I taunted Hope who was swaying a little as she stood high upon the side – little did I know that she was already dizzy.

As she tried to imitate me running down the slide previously, Hope gave an “Oh!” of shock before she fell on the hard, tarmac floor.

Blood trickled out of her grazed knee and elbows profusely. As I crouched beside her, I felt slightly nauseous – I was never fascinated with the sight of blood. I was momentarily clueless of what to do.

“It’s just a little blood. Come, hop to my back and I’ll carry you home,” I told her, before carrying her piggy-back to her house – which was luckily nearby.

***

I could remember that event as though it was yesterday. The sound of us giggling during that sunny day was still audible in my mind – even though it was something that happened almost seven years ago.

I knew Hope Laurens since an early age – we were playmates when we were kids, we were friends when we were preschoolers, and we were real buddies when we entered primary school. The similarity between us – neither had any other siblings in our family.

The one-year age gap between us did not matter much. In fact, Hope was like a younger sister to me – a sister that I cared for more than anyone in my life, while she took me as an elder brother whom she confided to every time she felt sad, lonely or depressed. This went on for years and years since we entered primary school – she would tell me about her friends in school, complain about how the boys in her class bullies her, voicing out how she thinks that she does not fit in among her friends… I would always be her only listener, her only confidant, her only shoulder to cry on, though I never complaint of playing this role – on the contrary, I appreciated the trust she put in me so greatly.

Things were as perfect as I could wish for – everything was still the same as she got into the same secondary school as I did. But then, my feelings for her were not just the “old brotherly feelings” – as I call it – anymore. In fact, I was actually increasingly attracted to her in a way that I have never been before. I have been looking for chances to walk with her, grabbing every available chance to talk with her… In fact, I would even get tongue-tied every time we spoke – a huge giveaway that I was having a crush on her. My crush on her seemed unnoticed – or I thought it was.

On Valentine’s Day, I bought a single box of expensive chocolates and a silver locket that read “You and Me Forever” without my parents’ knowledge. After wrapping them using some fancy wrapping paper, I placed the package on Hope’s table in her classroom, along with a note that goes:

The nicest girl that I had the chance to meet
None other than my ideal
This box of chocolates is as sweet
As the love I have for you

From: Your SECRET admirer.
That night, my cell phone rang unexpectedly while I was gradually drifting to dreamland – It was Hope.

“.. Thanks a lot for the gifts, Ryo, and there’s no need to pretend you know nothing about it” she said once I picked up.

“I... How did you know about it?” I asked.

“Oh, it’s nothing actually, an angel told me when I read the note,” Hope said with a mischievous tone in her voice.

“But... But...” I stammered – my cover was blown.

Hope cut my stammering short. “Honestly, Ryo, did you think that I haven’t noticed the signs? You were always laughing at jokes that I cracked even though it’s not funny, and you lose on purpose in every game we play together...”

***

That was a year ago. Since that Valentine incident, I was officially “dating” Hope Laurens; we were like paper and glue – inseparable. It was a relationship that most people would kill for.

One day, Hope came to me, clutching a newspaper cutting in her hand, asking me to read it. It was an article, stating that school-crushes would usually not last long – it ends through several ways such as economical problems, emotional problems and even academic problems. As I finished reading the short article, I looked up – just to see that Hope’s eyes were bloodshot.

“You won’t... You won’t leave me, will you?” Hope asked me in a trembling voice.

“Of course I won’t; haven’t we agreed before that we’re special? We won’t fall apart because of those petty problems, trust me.” I said, while wiping away Hope’s tears with my left thumb, while running the fingers of my right hand through Hope’s silky hair. Little did I know that I was making a promise that I would soon break; little did I know that we both aren’t so “special” after all. But the sight of Hope breaking into a reassured smile drove those thoughts from my mind that moment.

***

That was just a month ago. Since then, I have been secretly dreading the day that we might fall apart. I did not tell Hope this, however, but treated her just the same as before – and if possible, better. I would not let our relationship fall apart. I would work hard to ensure that we were indeed, in a word – special.

At the same time, I craved deeply for what they called “coolness” at school. For once, I did not want to be just a normal boy in school – I wanted fame, I wanted reputation. That was about the time that I met Bart Lewinsky. Bart was everything I wanted to be – wearing expensive designer clothes and denim jeans, having a superbike of his own, with everybody thinking anything he does is “cool”…

“Hi Bart, my name is Ryo. Mind being friends?”

That marked the first step of me being classified in school as “popular”. From that day on, I was part of Bart’s “clique”, along with his other cool friends. My school life was instantaneously transformed – people noticed me more than ever, people would praise me as they did to Bart before, I was encircled by girls wherever I went... I was slowly becoming a proud monster, enjoying this new experience for once in my life – even if it means hurting Hope.

***

One day, as I walked past the locker rooms along with my newfound clique, Hope came over to me, asking for a private word. I shrugged and followed her away from my “gang”.

“Ryo, you’ve changed… And I hate the new you, I really do. Where’s the old you that I knew so well…?” she said to me, tears glistening in her electric blue eyes, before continuing, “If you continue being like this, I don’t think I’d like us to be together anymore… It hurts…”

“So what?! I can do whatever I like and you have no right to ask me to change! Leave if you don’t like it then, who cares for a common girl like you anyway?” I shouted, loud enough for everyone in the locker room to listen. Hope just stood there with her head bowed, her curtain of raven-coloured hair concealing her face. Her tears were dripping to the smooth marble floor, beside the Nike sneakers that I bought for her as a birthday gift last year.

Remorseless, I left her standing there as I rejoined my group, who were all cheering at my “manly act”. I forced a smile as we laughed and joked together as usual, trying to act as though the scene just now was non-existent.

That night, however, as I mulled over the day’s happenings, I felt sickened by my own act that time – spilling my nastiness on my best friend, Hope. She used to be my best friend, we used to have fun together, to laugh together... And I reminded myself that I even gave her a Valentine’s gift – the precious silver locket. Due to my pride, I had humiliated her in front of my friends. I had severed the connection between us. I had ruined our relationship single-handedly.

***

Three days has passed, and I haven’t seen Hope – either in school or outside school. My phone calls to her were answered by an answering machine, where I left several messages apologizing to her. None of them were ever replied. On the third night, I felt that I should apologize in person instead.

Driving my dad’s Mustang over to a florist shop, I purchased a bouquet of roses, along with an “I’m sorry” note. Then, I drove over to Hope’s house, averting my eyes from some couples holding hands on the roadside, averting my eyes from a terrible accident near the playground that me and Hope used to go to – my current aim was to get to Hope’s house, and to Hope’s house only. Period.

When I got there, I knew that something was wrong immediately. A police officer was talking to Hope’s mother – who was sobbing uncontrollably, while Hope’s father was sitting on the front steps of his house, head buried in his hands.

Snatches of the conversation were audible as I drew nearer to Hope’s mother.

“… terrible… speeding vehicle… crashed… playground…”

My stomach lurched nervously as I pieced the words together to form a sentence.

“Officer, what’s wrong?” I asked with a shaking voice as I stood beside the police officer.

“Sir, do you know Hope Laurens?” he inquired in a professional manner.

“Yes, I’m her friend.” I replied.

“Well, she was involved in a car accident, and her car was found near the local playground,” he continued, “Passers-by said that her car was rammed by a speeding driv –”

But I wasn’t listening anymore. I hopped into the Mustang and drove back to the accident scene where I have passed earlier. The scene was disastrous – the driver’s side of one car had been rammed into by another car. The windshields were shattered and broken glass fragments were scattered on the tarmac road. I looked around the scene, and I saw what I feared – Hope’s lifeless body on the road, while a medic knelt beside her.

Hope was covered in blood. There were gashes across her beautiful face – bloody gashes that cut deep into her. Her crimson hands, however, was clutched across a single object on her chest. As I prised open her grip, a locket was uncovered beneath them – the silver locket that I gave her on Valentine’s Day previously. Tears of regret fell freely from my eyes, blurring my vision.

“Please… No… Hope, please don’t leave me… I’m so sorry…” I sobbed, grasping Hope’s lifeless, cold, and blood-covered hands.

“It’s no use, lad. She died on impact already as the speeding vehicle slammed into her car just now,” the medic beside me said, putting a hand on my shoulder, calming me down. But I just could not.

“It’s just a little blood. Come, hop to my back and I’ll carry you home…”

But this time I could not do that anymore.

***

Tears flowed down my eyes as I put a bouquet of white roses on the headstone, uttering my final goodbye to Hope Laurens. I wanted to let her know that I was sorry, and that I have loved her all along, but it is already too late.

She died, taking a part of my heart away with her.
She died on the night that I attempted to say sorry, in a car accident involving a speeding driver.
She died not knowing that I was sorry for my actions.
She died too soon.

*** End of Story ***

Yuck, I realised that every girl in my stories seem to die at the end. Sorry girls, no sexism intended, XD. Damn it, I realised that my stories are mostly towards the "love" side too. Gotta change.

On another hand, I've been "appointed" page + graphic designer for JuzBreaD-CraZy's blog! In case you're wondering about this logo there..



It's originally mine. The sword + wings logo was a creation of mine. Try not to go around with ideas that I somehow stole their logo, XD.

Cheers,
IceGlacial™